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Forum » Off-Topic » Creative Writing » ****ALL NEW POEM: Don't Judge Me****
****ALL NEW POEM: Don't Judge Me****
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Answers total: 14
eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 4:45 PM | Message # 1

Heads
Posts: 13145
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I lied. Now read my poem.

This is my newest poem. This is my first draft so changes will come and I would appreciate others assisting me in the revising process by pointing things out that may need improvement. In fact, if you have an opinion that you want to express and you do not and I can tell that you are holding back, I will most definitely be disappointed, even if it is an opinion on my choice of topic. I also will not post the meaning of the poem, because if it is good enough, it will require no assistance in telling it's story. Here it is:

Don't Judge Me

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is felt;
Your tongue has not licked the wounds of my battle scars;
You have not awoken to my arrival to embrace me late at night, knowing it was me because of the fragrance that trails;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean the opposite,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you should love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.

-------EDIT--------

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is heard;
Your tongue has not licked my wounds;
You have not awoken to embrace me late at night, knowing that it is me by my scent;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean that they are furled around my finger,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you must love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 3:14 AM | Message # 16

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Philosophy of literature maybe???

But yeah, if you want to know not why, but how to make yours interesting, take a creative writing course and study the great poets. I'm partial, personally, to TS Eliot. Read "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock". That's my favorite poem of all time. You'll be amazed.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 12:03 PM | Message # 17

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
*sigh* bump

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 12:07 PM | Message # 18

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
The edits I posted on the last page:

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is heard;
Your tongue has not licked my wounds;
You have not awoken to embrace me late at night, knowing that it is me by my scent;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean that they are furled around my finger,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you must love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 4:00 PM | Message # 19

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Are you guys fucking kidding me?! I always come here for advice on my poetry and apparently no one cares anymore eh? Fuck it then, I'll change the title so it gets more attention (even though it's falsely advertised. I need a good critique. I have nowhere else to go for it.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

ilikebacon3000 Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 4:28 PM | Message # 20

Emcees
Posts: 3979
Reputation: 1
Offline
Fuck you Erik!
Fuck you fuck you fuck you!
Seriously you had me going.....
Dammit haha that was nice.
HEY I gave my input!


Life's a bitch and I'm just along for the ride.
eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 5:11 PM | Message # 21

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Lol! Well played :D

Would you care to critique my poem now? :)


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 6:42 PM | Message # 22

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
It's true though. He is gay ;)

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 8:39 PM | Message # 23

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Thx man. That is why I try for when I write. Glad you liked it. Can I get some more critiques though?!?!?! EmSeeD, you said you'd critique it yesterday! Wtf!

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

EmSeeD Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 0:18 AM | Message # 24

Heads
Posts: 11464
Reputation: 8
Offline
i will man i will lol.

http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
EmSeeD Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 3:14 PM | Message # 25

Heads
Posts: 11464
Reputation: 8
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its good, but what exactly is it about? is the poem written in a sarcastic way?

http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
eboyd Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 3:16 PM | Message # 26

Watchers
Very much so. It is very sarcastic. Think about it for a second. Some subtle hints should point you towards who the speaker is and that will give it all away.
EmSeeD Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 4:14 PM | Message # 27

Heads
Posts: 11464
Reputation: 8
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is it God?

at first i didn't get it until i read one line then i realized you were being sarcastic


http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
eboyd Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 5:35 PM | Message # 28

Watchers
Yes, it is. I'm speaking specifically to evangelicals who think their God is beyond criticism. That not only should we not criticize him, but that when we do, it offends him. This is not just to Christians either. This is aimed towards any kind of evangelical who thinks criticism of their God is blasphemy and who take offense to such criticism. I expect criticism of my beliefs as should they. If they cannot accept that, this is aimed towards them. Glad you liked it btw.
EmSeeD Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 5:59 PM | Message # 29

Heads
Posts: 11464
Reputation: 8
Offline
lol i don't think anyone else got that you were talking about God,

i didn't get it until i read this

Quote (eboyd)
For without me
You are nothing.

coz at first i thought you were talking about yourself but when i read that i thought there's no way you'd ever say that about yourself


http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
eboyd Date: Monday, 16/Nov/09, 6:00 PM | Message # 30

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
yeah, they did. Adam and bacon both figured it out no problem. it's not hard to see. i implied it pretty strongly.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

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