[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Login:
Password:
New messages · Members · Forum rules · Search · RSS · Profile · Logout
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1
Forum moderator: I_Guy, eboyd, El_Matador  
Forum » Off-Topic » Creative Writing » A story im kind of making.... "Fat Caps"
A story im kind of making.... "Fat Caps"
Acekat00o Date: Saturday, 25/Apr/09, 3:06 PM | Message # 1

Heads
Posts: 1642
Reputation: 0
Offline
The old ,warm apartment near the Queen Victoria Blvd had been laying there for decades in ruin since the 1980's protests forced its owners to move from there ,now serving as the home of one very talented artist ,graffiti artist that is.. The warm ,damp air in the apartment meet the sunny ,clean sunlight from outside as day broke and life was once again revived in that area.The sunlight of the new morning hit Marks eye with a painful sting,it was yet another morning that caught him exhausted from last night's routine,with the effort of a lion trying to pull a buffalo into the shade ,Mark finally made it the "kitchen",
Squabbles of cereals and paint lay there unnaturally as a little mice tried to eat the rotten cereals ,with no success.Mark,a 22 year old man,searched throughout the kitchen tablets and boxes for his long lasting food.
Damn,the bloody mice cant get enough of the cereals.,He said ,expressing his anger

A little help from someone who knows literature ? i really want to expand this idea


Graffiti
Chinita Date: Saturday, 25/Apr/09, 3:35 PM | Message # 2

Heads
Posts: 5823
Reputation: 5
Offline
Quote (Acekat00o)
The old ,warm apartment near the Queen Victoria Blvd had been laying there for decades in ruin since the 1980's protests forced its owners to move from there ,now serving as the home of one very talented artist ,graffiti artist that is.. The warm ,damp air in the apartment meet the sunny ,clean sunlight from outside as day broke and life was once again revived in that area.The sunlight of the new morning hit Marks eye with a painful sting,it was yet another morning that caught him exhausted from last night's routine,with the effort of a lion trying to pull a buffalo into the shade ,Mark finally made it the "kitchen",
Squabbles of cereals and paint lay there unnaturally as a little mice tried to eat the rotten cereals ,with no success.Mark,a 22 year old man,searched throughout the kitchen tablets and boxes for his long lasting food.
Damn,the bloody mice cant get enough of the cereals.,He said ,expressing his anger

i can't even think of anything right now but so far so good.

Quote (Acekat00o)
with the effort of a lion trying to pull a buffalo into the shade ,Mark finally made it the "kitchen",

thats deep, i like that.


I_Guy Date: Saturday, 25/Apr/09, 9:47 PM | Message # 3

Heads
Posts: 1792
Reputation: 1
Offline
Quote (Acekat00o)
A little help from someone who knows literature ? i really want to expand this idea

What do you feel you need help with?


We all know that each of our end is near; the question is do we accept the end of our living existence, or do we accept our existence as dead men...
s0dr2 Date: Saturday, 25/Apr/09, 11:55 PM | Message # 4

OGs
Posts: 2772
Reputation: 1
Offline
Quote (Acekat00o)
The old ,warm apartment near the Queen Victoria Blvd had been laying there for decades in ruin since the 1980's protests forced its owners to move from there ,now serving as the home of one very talented artist ,graffiti artist that is.. The warm ,damp air in the apartment meet the sunny ,clean sunlight from outside as day broke and life was once again revived in that area.The sunlight of the new morning hit Marks eye with a painful sting,it was yet another morning that caught him exhausted from last night's routine,with the effort of a lion trying to pull a buffalo into the shade ,Mark finally made it the "kitchen",
Squabbles of cereals and paint lay there unnaturally as a little mice tried to eat the rotten cereals ,with no success.Mark,a 22 year old man,searched throughout the kitchen tablets and boxes for his long lasting food.
Damn,the bloody mice cant get enough of the cereals.,He said ,expressing his anger

how about the "warm" appartment turns out to be mark's archnemisis and transforms into a robotic lion after mark says (expressing his anger): "WTF IS GOING ON HERE"

the evil aparment smickers and laughs at mark as it shakes its lion head, releasing fleas from it's mane as they eat up mark's body until he dies............

then you wanna add in a little irony (this means something unexpected...say it with me....IRON...eee)

as mark is dying, it is revealed that he is infact the apartment's warthog named pumba, who is the robotic lion/appartment's best friend.

the robotic lion/appartment is sad that he killed his best friend as he cries. his tears come into contact with mark, which REJUVINATES him and brings him back to life!!!!!

the two are extremely happy and go off celebrating their friendship that has lasted this long. they end up at mark's home, where the two make sweet love by the fire happily ever after.

the end


"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 25/Apr/09, 11:57 PM | Message # 5

Heads
Posts: 6627
Reputation: 1
Offline
Sodr that was uncalled for......LMAO
tho I am laughing so hard rite now


Sick With It
s0dr2 Date: Sunday, 26/Apr/09, 0:00 AM | Message # 6

OGs
Posts: 2772
Reputation: 1
Offline
lol, what was your favorite part?

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

Lord_Meth Date: Sunday, 26/Apr/09, 0:00 AM | Message # 7

Heads
Posts: 6627
Reputation: 1
Offline
when the apartment transforms into a weird lion

Sick With It
s0dr2 Date: Sunday, 26/Apr/09, 0:02 AM | Message # 8

OGs
Posts: 2772
Reputation: 1
Offline
ah!, of course, of course

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

I_Guy Date: Sunday, 26/Apr/09, 1:55 AM | Message # 9

Heads
Posts: 1792
Reputation: 1
Offline
Anyways...

We all know that each of our end is near; the question is do we accept the end of our living existence, or do we accept our existence as dead men...
Acekat00o Date: Sunday, 26/Apr/09, 4:04 PM | Message # 10

Heads
Posts: 1642
Reputation: 0
Offline
so...apart from a retarded man expresing his creativity ,anything else?

Graffiti
I_Guy Date: Sunday, 26/Apr/09, 8:30 PM | Message # 11

Heads
Posts: 1792
Reputation: 1
Offline
Quote (I_Guy)
What do you feel you need help with?


We all know that each of our end is near; the question is do we accept the end of our living existence, or do we accept our existence as dead men...
Acekat00o Date: Tuesday, 18/Jan/11, 4:29 PM | Message # 12

Heads
Posts: 1642
Reputation: 0
Offline
Damn,it's been almost 2 years

Graffiti
ilikebacon3000 Date: Tuesday, 18/Jan/11, 5:26 PM | Message # 13

Emcees
Posts: 3979
Reputation: 1
Offline
^Where you been Ace??? Miss you around here, dawg!

Life's a bitch and I'm just along for the ride.
Adam Date: Wednesday, 19/Jan/11, 8:26 AM | Message # 14

B-Girls
Posts: 3793
Reputation: 5
Offline
YO IF U REALLY WANT SOME HELP WIT YO STORY.

You need to create more of a background. As soon as you said graf artists I sighed a big SIGH and frustratingly read the rest with a disgusted taste. In conclusion you laid the whole graf artist on way to strong, and didn't even really give us much to hold onto. So yeah this story is gonna go down the shit hole unless you bring in some detail.

In fact you should wait to even mention the apartment, maybe define a certain place in america that we are in and maybe a time period.





I JUST EXPLODED INTO RAINBOWS AND LOLLIPOPS!
Forum » Off-Topic » Creative Writing » A story im kind of making.... "Fat Caps"
  • Page 1 of 1
  • 1
Search: