Alright let me point out the strong points and weak points of these lyrics: strong lines:
"who got sick skills, emcee LLyRiC do/
and if u aint feelin' it dude/ than fuck u/
as i come throu/ leavin' fakes wit a puzzled face/
puttin' holes in the middle of em, like funnel cakes/
i muzzle fakes/ "
"son/ call me neo, cuhz I am the chosen one/
matrix no/"
"but watever/ cuhz my worst is betta than ya betta/
and my betta is betta than ya best/
ima god in this rap game, ask for my bless/
-ing before u try to test me/ "
Weak lines:
"and stomp on snakes/
finishin' 1st in this race/ no shake and bake/ "
wtf? lol stomp on snakes? what the hell does that mean? if you're trying to show your lyrical prowess than don't make irrelevant lines. Just lines that prove you're the best.
"quick wit my feet/ even if Ima fat person/
got to be/ cuz i alwayz be snatchin' purses/
fucked a cute bitch/
ran out the door, now she a purseless/
hoe/ oh no/ "
LOL this is like something dave chappele would rap in his skit LOL.
"if u dont know/ now u know/
dont like me flow/ then u can go fuck a goat/(fuck a goat) "
what the fuck does a goat have to do with anything?
"sum chick stalked me like stan/
who am i kiddin man/ that aint the truth, jeez/
cuhz im fat, and im ugly/
no girl wants to fuck me/
got bigga tits than the chick i like, that fuckin' sucks g/ haha "
how's ur ass gonna be talking about fucking girls in the first verse and then just completely contradict yourself in the second?
And the hook seems pretty uninspired.
The only reason I'm wasting all this time picking apart the song is because you have potential. You showed it with that one song you made. So don't think I'm trying to discourage you from writing, it's good that you posted this cuz now other people can give you constructive criticism to get better. Good luck.
