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Song I Did
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Wednesday, 02/Nov/11, 3:30 AM | Message # 1 |
Heads
Posts: 11464
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This is a song I wrote ages ago called Dream State of Mind, I finally wrote the entire song and recorded it, but I need advice on it coz sometimes I can't tell if there's anything wrong with it until someone else points it out, so what do you think of this song?
Check this out on Chirbit
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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| eboyd |
Date: Wednesday, 02/Nov/11, 12:30 PM | Message # 2 |
Heads
Posts: 13145
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i like it. only two things: 1. i think the flow is dope, but for some reason it feels like the tempo of the flow is too slow for the verse or maybe the beat. idk what it is exactly and i can't pinpoint it, but it just sounds like it doesn't mesh well. i kind of felt somewhat the same about your verse on the track we're working on with K-Rino. 2. this track is in desperate need of a hook. idk if you were working on adding that later or what, but even though this track has great thought provoking lyrics throughout, and perhaps even more so because of the fact that it does, it needs a simple but extremely memorable hook. don't worry so much about perfectly matching the meaning of the song when writing the hook either. focus mostly on creating a hook with a memorable sound to it. play with your flow, the meter of the hook, etc. not to toot my own horn, but some tracks i've made like "Mastermind", "Flores Magon", "Cycle of Life", "Modus Operandi", and "Who Am I?" are all examples of songs where i played around with the sound and structure of my words and also with my flow in different ways to create a memorable hook. you could look at those, as well as other hooks such as the ones below as reference points:
and for something that may relate a bit better to your track:
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| Lord_Meth |
Date: Wednesday, 02/Nov/11, 4:03 PM | Message # 3 |
Heads
Posts: 6627
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Quote (eboyd) 2. this track is in desperate need of a hook
^^^ THIS!
Underground MCs tend to sleep on hooks. All of my favorite songs have BOMB ass hooks so they definately matter.
Sick With It
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Wednesday, 02/Nov/11, 6:24 PM | Message # 4 |
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Heads
Posts: 11464
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yeah I was planning on doing the chorus later, i'm not sure on what to do about the tempo, maybe its the tone of my voice, maybe it doesn't match the tone of the beat, or maybe coz it was originally written for a different beat, is it a big deal though?
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Tuesday, 08/Nov/11, 0:16 AM | Message # 5 |
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Heads
Posts: 11464
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some other ones if you want to hear them
http://www.chirbit.com/emseed
most of them are just verses and trying out beats coz i'm trying to find the right beats to go with my songs
i like this beat and i think it goes well with the song but i have to finish writing it, both are beats from ratmn
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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| eboyd |
Date: Tuesday, 08/Nov/11, 2:52 AM | Message # 6 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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Quote (EmSeeD) is it a big deal though?
nah, it's just a subtle observation i made. it actually came out pretty dope.
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| eboyd |
Date: Tuesday, 08/Nov/11, 2:57 AM | Message # 7 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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btw, that last one came out pretty dope. i don't really have any criticism. btw, the beats sounds like a Nujabes beat. it's nice.
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Tuesday, 08/Nov/11, 5:54 AM | Message # 8 |
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Heads
Posts: 11464
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Quote (eboyd) btw, that last one came out pretty dope. i don't really have any criticism. btw, the beats sounds like a Nujabes beat. it's nice.
thanks, that one and all the others i uploaded to chirbit were all recorded on the same day, there's a bunch of others i've also uploaded on that chirbit page, thats when noone was home so i could record it with full energy lol, i recorded as many as i could, thats why they came out better than the other recent ones i did.
You're right that beat does sound like a nujabes beat, but was done by our own dj radio, my plan is to get all the lyrics and choruses written and find beats for all the songs i have written, then once i get all that right I'll record it at a studio and put out a project from me and DJ Radio
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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| AruNavi |
Date: Sunday, 01/Jan/12, 7:10 PM | Message # 9 |
Emcees
Posts: 534
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this track is nice. i like the beat and i like your flow but like E said sumfn sounds a little slow. but the 2nd verse sounds a little better 2 me in that regards. first seems slower than the second. lyric wise its dope as hell. I love the story being told. the beat fits the story themed. def get's the emotions involved and u made me feel your story and the picture being told lyrically. that's a very great thing and can sometimes be unappreciated. the last line sent chills "so I had 2 wake up" DOPE! great end to this track bro. also I would say a hook is needed like they said. doesn't really have 2 be long. or maybe not even a hook. just talk about the story. give like a little narration or something in between the verses.
keep writing and working man
my girl friend I am probably RHH4 asshole of the site lmao THE PUREST MC=ME ARU NAVI My brother=Menace Uncharted
My wife=Chinita the Beautiful
My rival=LaPen
My niggas=Eboyd Kiba Pen LaPen Lord Meth P Noble NtG Render 11thPlauge i woulda done rubber matches if i new u was gone bite Aru Navi/ AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH i love this line how did i bite aru navi? just curious...
uz every verse he did in dat battle, he tried flipping my verse every single time...it was work n until i won lol but yea u basically tried 2 flip da 1st verse like him
Aru Navi says-"Cause I beez da shitz." West Coast King Style
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Monday, 02/Jan/12, 5:30 AM | Message # 10 |
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Heads
Posts: 11464
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Quote (AruNavi) or maybe not even a hook. just talk about the story. give like a little narration or something in between the verses.
thanks for that man, coz i've had no idea what to do for the hook, but i was thinking of just using cuts, i was thinking of using Biggie's line "it was all a dream" from the Juicy song and then using some other little samples to make a hook
i'm glad that "i had to wake up" line came off lol, i guess i have to see what i can do about that first verse, what happened is the first verse was written a long long time ago to a different beat, and the 2nd verse was written more recently with the beat in mind
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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| AruNavi |
Date: Monday, 02/Jan/12, 7:25 AM | Message # 11 |
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Emcees
Posts: 534
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that would be a nice fit with the biggie line. that would actually make a lot of sense. first verse isn't bad but u can kinda tell. lyrically it's nice. i understand what u mean though. i used 2 never write 2 my beats lmao. i would write and then just jack a beat and make it fit. sad thing is most of the time is doesn't work. if u want. get like the first verse 2 be with the same subject as that of the 2nd. like keep that theme going cause it def works.
my girl friend I am probably RHH4 asshole of the site lmao THE PUREST MC=ME ARU NAVI My brother=Menace Uncharted
My wife=Chinita the Beautiful
My rival=LaPen
My niggas=Eboyd Kiba Pen LaPen Lord Meth P Noble NtG Render 11thPlauge i woulda done rubber matches if i new u was gone bite Aru Navi/ AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH i love this line how did i bite aru navi? just curious...
uz every verse he did in dat battle, he tried flipping my verse every single time...it was work n until i won lol but yea u basically tried 2 flip da 1st verse like him
Aru Navi says-"Cause I beez da shitz." West Coast King Style
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| Ratmn |
Date: Tuesday, 03/Jan/12, 3:30 PM | Message # 12 |
DJs
Posts: 779
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>Checks thread
>Is being compared to Nujabes, positively.
Anime-Planet.com - anime | manga | reviews
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| El_Matador |
Date: Tuesday, 03/Jan/12, 6:04 PM | Message # 13 |
Heads
Posts: 3347
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AruNavi,
Quote (AruNavi) My niggas=Eboyd Kiba Pen LaPen Lord Meth P Noble NtG Render 11thPlauge
You f'n asshole, where am I? 
MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger 
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| AruNavi |
Date: Tuesday, 03/Jan/12, 7:46 PM | Message # 14 |
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Emcees
Posts: 534
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i got u bro I GOT U 
my girl friend I am probably RHH4 asshole of the site lmao THE PUREST MC=ME ARU NAVI My brother=Menace Uncharted
My wife=Chinita the Beautiful
My rival=LaPen
My niggas=Eboyd Kiba Pen LaPen Lord Meth P Noble NtG Render 11thPlauge i woulda done rubber matches if i new u was gone bite Aru Navi/ AHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH i love this line how did i bite aru navi? just curious...
uz every verse he did in dat battle, he tried flipping my verse every single time...it was work n until i won lol but yea u basically tried 2 flip da 1st verse like him
Aru Navi says-"Cause I beez da shitz." West Coast King Style
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