1. You writing too long lines
2. You using too simple and predictable rhymes. Before you try to use some complex rhyme scheme, start using better rhymes. If you've got a problem with that, you can always help yourself with some rhyme dictionary
3. Speakin on dictionary, avoid copying hard words from dict into your rhymes. It might sound wise, but in practice, it'll be reterded cos people could not understand you. Plus you might misunderstand something and it will make yourself look dumb
4. When you are serious with writing, avoid lines that will make you look gay (no matter if you really are or if you're not). I raised my eyebrow on "molesting you like a pedo bear". It doesnt matter if lyrically or not, that was gay as fuck.

Yeah, you got few things to learn. You wont be a lyrical master after few days, just take your time and practice.

yes I know, but few folks wanted to drop their opinions on that. I'll let them do that tonight, and tomorrow I'll drop it into archive

All good holmes, hope you gonna get better with it soon.

congrats miguel and very good word play, good job guys and thats some good advise you got from miguelito the more battles the better you get is what i think. can't wait to start my battles

oh okay but i don't think it really worked, it was a bit confusing

Yes, exactly. You had a good start but after that you went into writing funny rhymes and all that gay stuff. If you wanna be good with rhyming then you need to be little bit more serious about it.

keep practicing, and try freestyle writing, i know writing won't really be a true freestyle but you know what i mean. write a verse but go with the first thing that comes to your head, i don't mean do that in a battle but do that to practice. the more you write the more words you know and the more rhymes you will know, its not just about knowing words but also knowing rhymes. study patterns for writing too, like double word rhymes etc, and for word play look for words that have more then one meaning, that's the easiest way to come up with word play.

Yes but leave the wordplay for later. First off, start to write (when I started with rhyming, I used to write everyday to practice) and look for some new words and use them cos like I said, your rhymes are too simple. And leave the advanced wordplay and rhyme scheme for later. If you want to play with words and throw them like from machine gun, first you gotta know them. So wake up and start to practice, what do u waiting for?

loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

I dont know where did you find that but that was crazy

Im moving it to battle archive

I've never heard about it, but that shit was funny