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Forum » Off-Topic » Creative Writing » ****ALL NEW POEM: Don't Judge Me****
****ALL NEW POEM: Don't Judge Me****
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Answers total: 14
eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 4:45 PM | Message # 1

Heads
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I lied. Now read my poem.

This is my newest poem. This is my first draft so changes will come and I would appreciate others assisting me in the revising process by pointing things out that may need improvement. In fact, if you have an opinion that you want to express and you do not and I can tell that you are holding back, I will most definitely be disappointed, even if it is an opinion on my choice of topic. I also will not post the meaning of the poem, because if it is good enough, it will require no assistance in telling it's story. Here it is:

Don't Judge Me

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is felt;
Your tongue has not licked the wounds of my battle scars;
You have not awoken to my arrival to embrace me late at night, knowing it was me because of the fragrance that trails;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean the opposite,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you should love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.

-------EDIT--------

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is heard;
Your tongue has not licked my wounds;
You have not awoken to embrace me late at night, knowing that it is me by my scent;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean that they are furled around my finger,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you must love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

El_Matador Date: Thursday, 19/Nov/09, 9:24 PM | Message # 46

Heads
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Beautiful one. You used difficult but understandable words as usual. I like the peaceful message.

And I'd change the ending

Quote (eboyd)
So please, do not judge me.
Love me.

It should be longer


MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger

eboyd Date: Thursday, 19/Nov/09, 9:28 PM | Message # 47

Heads
Posts: 13145
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I feel you. I may add on to it.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

El_Matador Date: Thursday, 19/Nov/09, 9:32 PM | Message # 48

Heads
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Yes, ending is too short and poem look unfinished because of that. Add 2 maybe three lines and whole thing will be mixed and mastered and done. lol

MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger

eboyd Date: Thursday, 19/Nov/09, 10:14 PM | Message # 49

Heads
Posts: 13145
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Lol. For sure. I was noticing that as well tbh.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

El_Matador Date: Friday, 20/Nov/09, 6:33 AM | Message # 50

Heads
Posts: 3347
Reputation: 2
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Quote (eboyd)
I was noticing that as well tbh.

Sure you was :D I'm gonna drop my poem here, propably this weekend


MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger



Message edited by El_Matador - Friday, 20/Nov/09, 1:31 PM
J-Breakz Date: Saturday, 28/Nov/09, 5:47 PM | Message # 51

Heads
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Quote (eboyd)
I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

This may have been brought up in a post earlier. Is the poem about god? It sounds like your writing about god in a first person perspective. The poem screams insecurity being obscured under a strong sense of arrogance and superiority, which is what a lot people in this world seem to go through in atleast one point of their lives. The poem is well written.


livin life like some cheesy movie

Message edited by J-Breakz - Saturday, 28/Nov/09, 5:48 PM
eboyd Date: Saturday, 28/Nov/09, 5:54 PM | Message # 52

Heads
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Quote (J-Breakz)
This may have been brought up in a post earlier. Is the poem about god? It sounds like your writing about god in a first person perspective. The poem screams insecurity being obscured under a strong sense of arrogance and superiority, which is what a lot people in this world seem to go through in atleast one point of their lives. The poem is well written.

thank you very much. yes, that is exactly what it is. i am glad i made the message of the poem clear and that you enjoyed it :)


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

YANHAP1 Date: Tuesday, 01/Dec/09, 1:41 PM | Message # 53

DJs
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Quote (J-Breakz)
Is the poem about god?

Indeed .....in some parts reeks of a pre creation Pathetic God, in others an apologetic, which i find ironic inlight of Eriks sensibilities.

Wound and palm references envoke Christ like images.

Quote (I_Guy)
Maybe reversing the sentence will sound better, so "within your soul my essence flows," or "within your soul flows my essence," or "your soul my essence flows within." I personally prefer the first suggestion, but its really however you feel it.

Speaks Yoda does. LMAO!!

Quote (El_Matador)
It should be longer

Ends just fine to me.

A succinct round up of the main body of prose.To add IMO would lessen the wieght and impact of the conclusion.

Well written.

All in all baffling, reminiscent of devotional works of St John of the Cross , Rumi, Gibran or Attar......very un E-boyd or a least the parts i'm aware of.


who killed bambi?

eboyd Date: Tuesday, 01/Dec/09, 2:02 PM | Message # 54

Watchers
Lol! Glad to see you back! Believe it or not, I am very accepting of religion, in light of the recent comments you have seen me post. Before you were with us I was sort of the moderating force between religious members and atheists when battles would get heated. Even still I will not attack a religious person, though I will show an increasingly angered tone when an ignorant and/or hurtful statement is made in either direction. After all, though I would hardly call myself devout, I was a practicing christian up until I was 19 when I found the Nation of Gods and Earths, eventually leading me to pantheism and finally agnostic atheism. Some of my mentors and closest friends are actually pastors and youth ministers. I am completely open to not only other people's belief in Gods, but even a very slight possibility that one or more exist. However, even if one does exist, I feel, given the evidence we have, belief in a god/gods is irrational. What I detest is the fact that those who do believe get hostile when their belief is put into question. There are two things that can occur if one is forced to question their beliefs -- either they become stronger or they get abandoned for more rationally supported beliefs -- both positive outcomes imo.
YANHAP1 Date: Tuesday, 01/Dec/09, 4:00 PM | Message # 55

DJs
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Quote (eboyd)
I am completely open to not only other people's belief in Gods, but even a very slight possibility that one or more exist. However, even if one does exist, I feel, given the evidence we have, belief in a god/gods is irrational. What I detest is the fact that those who do believe get hostile when their belief is put into question. There are two things that can occur if one is forced to question their beliefs -- either they become stronger or they get abandoned for more rationally supported beliefs -- both positive outcomes imo.

Bump!


who killed bambi?

s0dr2 Date: Tuesday, 01/Dec/09, 4:06 PM | Message # 56

OGs
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bump is to bump an old topic ...

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." - Mark Twain

eboyd Date: Tuesday, 01/Dec/09, 5:09 PM | Message # 57

Heads
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lol!

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Friday, 11/Dec/09, 4:45 PM | Message # 58

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
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Boomph!

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Watcher a.k.a me Date: Thursday, 17/Dec/09, 2:24 PM | Message # 59

Watchers
:) :) it is good in all but y are3 y talking about someone judging you abt wat really. Not understanding. I like all of th3 rhyming just need a little worl if u need help ask me cuz im a professional.
YANHAP1 Date: Thursday, 17/Dec/09, 3:44 PM | Message # 60

DJs
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Yeah you sound like a pro

who killed bambi?

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