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Forum » Off-Topic » Creative Writing » ****ALL NEW POEM: Don't Judge Me****
****ALL NEW POEM: Don't Judge Me****
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Answers total: 14
eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 4:45 PM | Message # 1

Heads
Posts: 13145
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I lied. Now read my poem.

This is my newest poem. This is my first draft so changes will come and I would appreciate others assisting me in the revising process by pointing things out that may need improvement. In fact, if you have an opinion that you want to express and you do not and I can tell that you are holding back, I will most definitely be disappointed, even if it is an opinion on my choice of topic. I also will not post the meaning of the poem, because if it is good enough, it will require no assistance in telling it's story. Here it is:

Don't Judge Me

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is felt;
Your tongue has not licked the wounds of my battle scars;
You have not awoken to my arrival to embrace me late at night, knowing it was me because of the fragrance that trails;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean the opposite,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you should love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.

-------EDIT--------

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is heard;
Your tongue has not licked my wounds;
You have not awoken to embrace me late at night, knowing that it is me by my scent;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean that they are furled around my finger,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you must love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 5:27 PM | Message # 2

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
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bump

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 6:40 PM | Message # 3

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
I fell down and I bump ed my head ;)

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 7:42 PM | Message # 4

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Why is nobody acknowledging this???!?!?!??! >(

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Adam Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 7:53 PM | Message # 5

B-Girls
Posts: 3793
Reputation: 5
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I don't really exactly know how to read poetry, but the word choice, and the assembly of them was very well constructed. I like it.




I JUST EXPLODED INTO RAINBOWS AND LOLLIPOPS!
eboyd Date: Saturday, 14/Nov/09, 8:53 PM | Message # 6

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Ok, understandable. Btw, here are some possible edits:

Don't judge me.

I am that which surrounds,
And at every moment is,
And in every corner.
I am not here nor there,
Yet I am each without time's passage;
Everywhere, yet nowhere at once;
And you know of me,
For my breath has caressed your thoughts;
My voice is sewn in the fabric of your dreams;
My essence flows within your soul.

I have not pressed my palm upon yours to reveal my warmth;
Your eyes have yet to yield upon mine to focus on my words,
And so as I speak, a near deafening silence is heard;
Your tongue has not licked my wounds;
You have not awoken to embrace me late at night, knowing that it is me by my scent;

But do not judge me,
For there is another sense by which you can know --
By which you can be certain --
That I am with you.

And so wise men have told you
That this sense is unreliable,
That it is foolish to obey,

But do not judge me.

Do not judge me on the nights,
When you are cold,
And you call my name,
And I am not there,
Or the days,
When you feel as though
Continuing on is fruitless,
For I assure you
I am watching
And I know
That it will be made right.

And if you pass in the morning
With much work left unfinished
Know that it was in due course,

But do not judge me.

I am frail.
In all my might, your judgment brings me pain.
Love me eternally,
Even when I let you down,
For without me
You are nothing.
I am your essence as well as my own --
Your very inner-being.

Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

I am love,
And so if you love me,
I will as well in return,
But my love is infinite
And eternal,

So do not judge me.

And though when I caress your thoughts
I grasp them to assure they do not escape,
And when I say I am sewn into your dreams
I mean that they are furled around my finger,
And when I am compared to a river flowing in your soul
I would be better described as a flood from torrential rain,
I still do not deserve judgment
And you must love me eternally,

So please, do not judge me.
Love me.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 0:35 AM | Message # 7

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Man, wtf?! Can I PLEASE get some fucking critiques, or at very least, more people to read this and comment on it?

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

EmSeeD Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 0:37 AM | Message # 8

Heads
Posts: 11464
Reputation: 8
Offline
but it says don't judge lol

but nah i'm hardly a fuckin poet critic so i don't think there's really anything i can tell you lol. except shit like, "yeah its nice", but i'll read the whole thing tomorrow, i'm actually doing an assignment at the same time i'm doing this so i don't have time to read it all now, i'll get home first


http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 0:41 AM | Message # 9

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Ok thx

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

ilikebacon3000 Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 0:44 AM | Message # 10

Emcees
Posts: 3979
Reputation: 1
Offline
Quote (eboyd)
Do not loathe me,
For loathing is judgment's evil cousin
And in death they will leave you empty
But I will fill you with love.

That's my favorite part of it all.
But I can really understand what it means... Like, I feel it (no homo).... I can't explain it but I know exactly what this whole thing is about... Like, I feel like that I have felt this way before, and you were able to articulate it into a poem. I really admire that.
But yeah dude I can feel like... I don't know. I really think your heart fell out of your pen on this one, if you know what I mean!
I like it,.


Life's a bitch and I'm just along for the ride.
eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 1:00 AM | Message # 11

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Thanks! Btw, did you read the possible edits? What do you think? Should I use those or are there certain lines in the original post that I should stick with?

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 2:03 AM | Message # 12

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
Offline
Nothing wrong with a little bump and GRIIIIIIIND! :D

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

ilikebacon3000 Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 2:09 AM | Message # 13

Emcees
Posts: 3979
Reputation: 1
Offline
Quote (eboyd)
Thanks! Btw, did you read the possible edits? What do you think? Should I use those or are there certain lines in the original post that I should stick with?

I didn't read the edits, but unless it is a song, I NEVER edit what I write. I feel like that a poem, or any writing, is an expression of how you felt at the exact moment you wrote it. Those feelings might not ever be that exact again. So I always write with a black ink pen, and I never write on the lines of the paper. I just free write and what comes out, comes out, whether it is dope or it just sucks ass. It's art either way. If it doesn't make sense, it doesn't matter. Because emotions rarely make sense at all. We get so hyped up over little things, we cry over people dying, when death is really just a change. We get angry over loss of material possesions, when in fact, material possesions are worthless, but at the same time so very valueable to us. We fall in love with people after only knowing them for a week. None of this makes sense, and if poetry is suposed to reflect how you feel and think about something, ANYTHING, then it shouldn't have to be perfect, or make sense, as long as it explained how you felt and thought the moment you wrote it.
I guess I sound like a nihilist but I've always felt that way since I started keeping a journal. I never feel like I HAVE to write where I can read it, or it has to be on the lines, and I never EVER write with pencil.


Life's a bitch and I'm just along for the ride.
eboyd Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 2:36 AM | Message # 14

Heads
Posts: 13145
Reputation: 2
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That's all fine and dandy in slam poetry, but if you study poetry you will find that most poetry and other forms of creative writing are truly written in the revising process. Poets spend months, sometimes years, revisiting one poem to get it just right. The reason slam poetry is like that is because it is raw emotion. Not all poetry is raw emotion. In fact most isn't. Normally in a GOOD love poem, an artist will make it as emotionless as possible to make his love speak for itself without his/her assistance. It's a totally different ball game. I am no longer a slam poet. I write traditional poetry. I try to compete with the big dogs in poetry (not that the aim is to compete, but I try to be on par with true, studied poets, not pseudo-poets who learned to write while listening to 2pac).

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

ilikebacon3000 Date: Sunday, 15/Nov/09, 3:04 AM | Message # 15

Emcees
Posts: 3979
Reputation: 1
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Quote (eboyd)
That's all fine and dandy in slam poetry, but if you study poetry you will find that most poetry and other forms of creative writing are truly written in the revising process. Poets spend months, sometimes years, revisiting one poem to get it just right. The reason slam poetry is like that is because it is raw emotion. Not all poetry is raw emotion. In fact most isn't. Normally in a GOOD love poem, an artist will make it as emotionless as possible to make his love speak for itself without his/her assistance. It's a totally different ball game. I am no longer a slam poet. I write traditional poetry. I try to compete with the big dogs in poetry (not that the aim is to compete, but I try to be on par with true, studied poets, not pseudo-poets who learned to write while listening to 2pac).

Whoa whoa whoa that is crazy.... See, I knew there were different types of poetry... Free-verse, Haiku, etc etc.... But slam poetry.... hmmm... I've always been interested in that and spoken word. I love it. I love studying what makes poems interesting. I like studying what makes things funny and what makes them thought-provoking. I like studying about why words express ideas so well. I like all that jazz.
What would that study field be called?


Life's a bitch and I'm just along for the ride.
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