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Forum » RHHF Artists/Battlers » The Cypher » Help A Brotha Out! (write a verse and get insight on how to make it better)
Help A Brotha Out!
eboyd Date: Friday, 16/Jan/09, 4:02 AM | Message # 1

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Do you have a verse, track, etc., that is almost ready to be put on a beat but needs a little bit of editing advice? Write your verse here and people will review it for you and give advice on how you can fix it and make it better.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Acekat00o Date: Friday, 16/Jan/09, 10:58 AM | Message # 2

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N.Y. State of Mind Lyrics
Artist(Band):Nas
Review The Song (3) Print the Lyrics

Send "N.Y. State of Mind" Ringtones to Cell

!!!!!DIS AINT DA WHOLE SONG!!!!!

Intro: Nas

Yeah yeah, aiyyo black it's time (word?)
(Word, it's time nigga?)
Yeah, it's time man (aight nigga, begin)
Yeah, straight out the fuckin dungeons of rap
Where fake niggaz don't make it back
I don't know how to start this shit, yo, now

Verse One: Nas

Rappers I monkey flip em with the funky rhythm I be kickin
Musician, inflictin composition
of pain I'm like Scarface sniffin cocaine
Holdin a M-16, see with the pen I'm extreme, now
Bulletholes left in my peepholes
I'm suited up in street clothes
Hand me a nine and I'll defeat foes
Y'all know my steelo with or without the airplay
I keep some E&J, sittin bent up in the stairway
Or either on the corner bettin grands with the celo champs
Laughin at baseheads, tryin to sell some broken amps
G-Packs get off quick, forever niggaz talk shit
Remeniscing about the last time the Task Force flipped
Niggaz be runnin through the block shootin
Time to start the revolution, catch a body head for hell
Once they caught us off guard, the Mac-10 was in the grass and
I ran like a cheetah with thoughts of an assassin
Picked the Mac up, told brothers, "Back up," the Mac spit
Lead was hittin niggaz one ran, I made him backflip
Heard a few chicks scream, my arm shook, couldn't look
Gave another squeeze heard it click yo, my shit is stuck
Tried to cock it, it wouldn't shoot now I'm in danger
Finally pulled it back and saw three bullets caught up in the chamber
So now I'm jetting to the building lobby
and it was full of children probably couldn't see as high as I be
(So whatchu sayin?) It's like the game ain't the same
Got youngin' niggaz pullin the triggers bringing fame to they name
and claim some corners, crews without guns are goners
In broad daylight, stickup kids, they run up on us
Fo'-fives and gauges, Macs in fact
Same niggaz'll catch a back to back, snatchin yo' cracks in black
Yo there's a snitch on the block gettin niggaz knocked
So hold your stash 'til the coke price drop
I know this crackhead, who said she gotta smoke nice rock
And if it's good she'll bring ya custom

make this better biggrin


Graffiti
eboyd Date: Friday, 16/Jan/09, 6:04 PM | Message # 3

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Dude, YOUR OWN RHYMES!!!!!

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Deadly-Sin Date: Wednesday, 21/Jan/09, 6:10 AM | Message # 4

Removed
DO IT YOURSELF ERIK! DON'T BE LAZY!!!
you call ur self a Jap!.. your letting the herd
down
eboyd Date: Wednesday, 21/Jan/09, 6:18 AM | Message # 5

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what?!?!?!? dude, it's a place for anyone to come and ask for advice. besides, i plan to give more advice than i take anyways.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Deadly-Sin Date: Wednesday, 21/Jan/09, 6:26 AM | Message # 6

Removed
Quote (eboyd)
what?!?!?!? dude, it's a place for anyone to come and ask for advice. besides, i plan to give more advice than i take anyways.

Erik my fave chinky eyed brother from another mother father family
hell even a whole other country...your one crazy jap
eboyd Date: Wednesday, 21/Jan/09, 6:28 AM | Message # 7

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LMAO! well, check the beat i just posted in the beat battle.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Deadly-Sin Date: Wednesday, 21/Jan/09, 6:44 AM | Message # 8

Removed
Quote (eboyd)
LMAO! well, check the beat i just posted in the beat battle.

Who does that!?????,,,,,,,,I DOES THAT!!!!!!!!
MAK_The_Lucid_Tongue Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:27 PM | Message # 9

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I think if anyone is serious about their shit they probably wont wann post it for everyone to see......maybe?

"UNTIL THEY STOP ME, BURY, MURDER ME OR DROP ME, I GOT...THUG LUV FOR MY NATIONWIDE POSSE"

NtG Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:34 PM | Message # 10

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Quote (LethaFace)
I think if anyone is serious about their shit they probably wont wann post it for everyone to see......maybe?

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


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Lord_Meth Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:36 PM | Message # 11

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Well the verse u put in here arent supposed to be serious, just some verses u want to see if they could be made better with the help of others

Sick With It
eboyd Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:43 PM | Message # 12

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"eating Ace's palm"

this just doesn't work. some words that rhyme that you can toy around with and see if they work better:

napalm, psalm, bomb

and that is only by what you did. you can conventionally rhyme with...

job, knob, bob, slob, rob, etc.

"I ripped u before so therefore I sentence u to death with Horrorcore"
"Visions as deadly as Vietnam, but clean as PG-13 porn"

the meter on these don't word. if you spit these they would sound awkward.

"Cut off the Kat's circulation with Romania Tourist Packet"

think about this for a minute. does this make sense?

what romanian tourist packet is big enough to cut off someones circulation?

Quote (LethaFace)
I think if anyone is serious about their shit they probably wont wann post it for everyone to see......maybe?

i would. i trust people here. some people are cool with it. idc if someone steals my shit. that just tells me it was dope as fuck so someone else took it. it's an honor to me.


my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Lord_Meth Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:48 PM | Message # 13

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Quote (eboyd)
i would. i trust people here. some people are cool with it. idc if someone steals my shit. that just tells me it was dope as fuck so someone else took it. it's an honor to me.

CO-SIGNAGE
its not like Im gonna be a rapper in the future and sue everyone that bit my shit
Quote (eboyd)
"eating Ace's palm"
this just doesn't work. some words that rhyme that you can toy around with and see if they work better:
napalm, psalm, bomb
and that is only by what you did. you can conventionally rhyme with...
job, knob, bob, slob, rob, etc.
"I ripped u before so therefore I sentence u to death with Horrorcore"
"Visions as deadly as Vietnam, but clean as PG-13 porn"
the meter on these don't word. if you spit these they would sound awkward.
"Cut off the Kat's circulation with Romania Tourist Packet"
think about this for a minute. does this make sense?
what romanian tourist packet is big enough to cut off someones circulation?

Yea that verse was just a ball of nasty and dumb shit, one of my worst
it was just a verse full of supposedly funny things but turned out being retarded


Sick With It
EmSeeD Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:49 PM | Message # 14

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Quote (Lord_Meth)
Split ya lip like a snake and artificially seal it back

i didn't really like this line, why would you split someones lip just to seal it back again?


http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
EmSeeD Date: Friday, 23/Jan/09, 10:50 PM | Message # 15

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Quote (eboyd)
i would. i trust people here. some people are cool with it. idc if someone steals my shit. that just tells me it was dope as fuck so someone else took it. it's an honor to me.

lol not to me fuck that!


http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
Forum » RHHF Artists/Battlers » The Cypher » Help A Brotha Out! (write a verse and get insight on how to make it better)
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