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...And So I Sleep At Night
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 7:07 AM | Message # 1 |
Heads
Posts: 13145
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Constructive crit is welcome, appreciated, and even encouraged. Here's the poem: ...And So I Sleep At Night This wretched tingle
That bears itself upon my chest
And claws it's way
Around my back
And plants it's roots into my neck;
A solemn night
Whose somber moon does not rest
But fades to black
And torments my dreams
Without any sign of compassion or reck --
Thrashes about
Like wolves ripping fangs through dry flesh,
And presses itself
Through my temples,
Penetrating into my mind's deepest depths.
It winds till taut
My mind until each mesh
Becoming one
And the same
Filling my ego in it's breadth. It is my grim reaper,
Driving it's pitchfork through the back of my skull;
My succubus,
Prying from my grip the very essence of my soul.
It creeps into my room
During the nights that are most quiet
And turns the tranquil moments
Into the most deafening silence. A beast
That haunts with many faces in my dreams;
Whether writhes about
Like serpents
Or to my thoughts it clings,
It remains, unfaltering.
Within my conscience it gleams
Revisiting
With every moment
And every bit of pain it brings.
Hesitant I remain
To admit some things at times.
But what I hold
Is the key
To the safe-hold I've built in my mind.
A rotten truth
Lies within this pile of grime,
Yet I'm relieved
When I accept
That this monster is my Frankenstein. And so I gain equilibrium
Allowing me my needed rest.
Eyelids gently caress each other
To the lullaby of melodic breaths,
And then I wake in early morning
Filled with life deep in my chest;
A vibrant world lies at my feet
And so this beast has met it's death.
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 7:36 AM | Message # 2 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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Bee You Em Pee
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| Uncharted |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 12:28 PM | Message # 3 |
Emcees
Posts: 4766
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Quote (eboyd) And So I Sleep At Night
haha, im not even going to say it 
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 4:00 PM | Message # 4 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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Wow, real mature. Why don't you try actually reading it and telling me what you think and/or giving me advice?
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| El_Matador |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 5:22 PM | Message # 5 |
Heads
Posts: 3347
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That was deep, I actually want you to spit this over some slow-ass beat
MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger 
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 5:24 PM | Message # 6 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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thanks. yeah, i was thinking of doing that.
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 5:26 PM | Message # 7 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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lol! i just noticed too that if i spit it it will be 2 16 bar verses and 2 8 bar hooks too so it's perfect for that! do you have any criticism or advice though?
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| El_Matador |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 5:30 PM | Message # 8 |
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Heads
Posts: 3347
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Quote (eboyd) That this monster is my Frankenstein. Frankenstein dont fit with the rest (only in my opinion) And one more advice... Dont use too difficult words if you want to put your work here
Some of em could not understand
MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger
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| Acekat00o |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 5:34 PM | Message # 9 |
Heads
Posts: 1642
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Quote (El_Matador) That this monster is my Frankenstein.
That this monster is my Tormentor ?
Graffiti
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| El_Matador |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 5:39 PM | Message # 10 |
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Heads
Posts: 3347
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Quote (Acekat00o) Quote (El_Matador) That this monster is my Frankenstein. That this monster is my Tormentor ? loooooooooooooooooooooooool u silly fam I mean with no sayin' names, "that this monster\best I made\created\sired", something like that, with no sayin' names. To me, that Frankenstein dont fit with the rest (rest is very good)
MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 6:04 PM | Message # 11 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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Quote (El_Matador) Frankenstein dont fit with the rest (only in my opinion) Frankenstein was a monster that was created by a scientist in a lab. i'm saying it is a monster of my own creation. do you have a better way of saying this? i'm not being a dick. i'm seriously interested. Quote (El_Matador) And one more advice... Dont use too difficult words if you want to put your work here biggrin
Some of em could not understand biggrin lol!
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 6:09 PM | Message # 12 |
Heads
Posts: 11464
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its nice, what exactly is it about? is it just about having trouble sleeping or is it something more? also i think it would be dope if you had poems like this as interludes on soft beats between songs on an album of yours or something.
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 6:12 PM | Message # 13 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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Quote (EmSeeD) its nice, what exactly is it about? is it just about having trouble sleeping or is it something more? i think it's obvious that it's more than that. why do people have trouble sleeping? it's called GUILT, hence the Frankenstein thing. Quote (EmSeeD) also i think it would be dope if you had poems like this as interludes on soft beats between songs on an album of yours or something. i was thinking that too. also thinking of using them as intros/outros for tracks.
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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| El_Matador |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 6:13 PM | Message # 14 |
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Heads
Posts: 3347
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Quote (eboyd) Frankenstein was a monster that was created by a scientist in a lab. i'm saying it is a monster of my own creation. do you have a better way of saying this? i'm not being a dick. i'm seriously interested. (Victor) Frankenstein was a name of that scientist, not of that monster. I know, cos I have read Mary Shelley's book. Plus like I said, I'd see that with saying no names. I have no better way of saying this but if I find anything, I'll let you know.
MENACE 2 JOKER: Go back to Mexico you damn spic
JOKER 2 MENACE: Shut up you fake nigga your a damn sand nigger not a full nigger
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| eboyd |
Date: Monday, 06/Jul/09, 6:16 PM | Message # 15 |
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Heads
Posts: 13145
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Quote (El_Matador) Victor) Frankenstein was a name of that scientist, not of that monster. I know, cos I have read Mary Shelley's book. Plus like I said, I'd see that with saying no names. I have no better way of saying this but if I find anything, I'll let you know. oh, ok. what was the monster's name? and btw, people use names in great works all the time. these are excerpts from my favorite poem "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock": "In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo." “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all” "I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be" there's nothing wrong with using names.
my new theme song
erikboyd60@hotmail.com
"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"
-T.S. Eliot
battle record:
7-0-0
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