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Untitled Poem I Need Help With
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| LyricalContent |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 7:20 PM | Message # 16 |
Emcees
Posts: 255
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not at the moment the lead off verse is great i'll have to see what else you come up with before i draw my conclusion
For the preaching of the cross is to them that
perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God
1 Cor 1:18
http:
//www.youtube.com/user/thelastgreatone
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the Word of our God shall stand forever
is:40,8
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 7:31 PM | Message # 17 |
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What else I come up with? It's pretty much finished. Who said poems need to be long? Lol! I actually had it longer but I shortened it because there was a lot of dead weight. It works perfectly plain and simple like it is. I will probably still replace a word or two here and there from time to time though.
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| LyricalContent |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:17 PM | Message # 18 |
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Emcees
Posts: 255
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Quote (eboyd) What else I come up with? It's pretty much finished. Who said poems need to be long? Lol! I actually had it longer but I shortened it because there was a lot of dead weight. It works perfectly plain and simple like it is. I will probably still replace a word or two here and there from time to time though.
oh i know poem don't have to be long, I've written poem that short, I just thought that because you were asking about the two versions and everything that you were going to put some more to it that's all but nah i love it man
For the preaching of the cross is to them that
perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God
1 Cor 1:18
http:
//www.youtube.com/user/thelastgreatone
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the Word of our God shall stand forever
is:40,8
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:24 PM | Message # 19 |
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Thanks bro. Yeah, that's it. Short but sweet. This is my first poem this short (at least first of any worth). I think that it's length is actually perfect for this poem. It sort of reminds me (not subject matter wise) of the poem the drill sargeant in GI Jane recites to his crew because of it's length and meter. Hold on, I'll find it and post it.
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:28 PM | Message # 20 |
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Here. It's called "Self Pity" by DH Lawrence: I never saw a wild thing
Sorry for itself
A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough
Without ever having felt sorry for itself
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| LyricalContent |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:33 PM | Message # 21 |
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Emcees
Posts: 255
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yeah see what you talkin about it does I forgot all about that movie haven't seen it it a while but yeah I like that though
For the preaching of the cross is to them that
perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God
1 Cor 1:18
http:
//www.youtube.com/user/thelastgreatone
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the Word of our God shall stand forever
is:40,8
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:40 PM | Message # 22 |
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Well, thanks for all the help. Like you said before, we need to collaborate on a poem. Give me your email and we will collab. You won't be able to PM me right now, but send me an email at erikboyd60@hotmail.com and I will get back to you. Do you have any ideas in mind atm?
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| LyricalContent |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:44 PM | Message # 23 |
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Emcees
Posts: 255
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nah i'll have to get back to you on that
For the preaching of the cross is to them that
perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God
1 Cor 1:18
http:
//www.youtube.com/user/thelastgreatone
The grass withers and the flowers fall,
but the Word of our God shall stand forever
is:40,8
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Friday, 26/Dec/08, 8:52 PM | Message # 24 |
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Well email me either way. Maybe I'll come up with something. That way we can stay in touch better. I usually answer my email immediately because I get email on my phone like text messages.
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| I_Guy |
Date: Saturday, 27/Dec/08, 1:56 AM | Message # 25 |
Heads
Posts: 1792
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Personally, I think the second version is more rythmic, but the first one does sound more grand.
We all know that each of our end is near; the question is do we accept the end of our living existence, or do we accept our existence as dead men...
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Saturday, 27/Dec/08, 2:01 AM | Message # 26 |
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Yes, I agree. That is why I made the two versions. Which would you go with though.
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| Acekat00o |
Date: Saturday, 27/Dec/08, 10:10 AM | Message # 27 |
Heads
Posts: 1642
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Quote (eboyd) OK. In that case, can you show some of my poetry and my music too?
sure ,it would be my pleasure
Graffiti
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| eboyd_ |
Date: Saturday, 27/Dec/08, 1:17 PM | Message # 28 |
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Thanks
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| I_Guy |
Date: Sunday, 28/Dec/08, 2:02 AM | Message # 29 |
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Heads
Posts: 1792
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I would go with the first one if your going for meaning, but I would go for the second version if you're going for what sounds catchy.
We all know that each of our end is near; the question is do we accept the end of our living existence, or do we accept our existence as dead men...
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| EmSeeD |
Date: Sunday, 28/Dec/08, 3:02 AM | Message # 30 |
Heads
Posts: 11464
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Quote (Acekat00o) sure ,it would be my pleasure
http://chirbit.com/emseed
http://youtube.com/siwooot
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