Additionally, its especially wrong when a parent hits the child in a burst of anger. That makes them no different than a child them self.

My dad would occasionally pop me (out of anger). But most of the time he would lecture me for hours. That did the trick always. It was tortuous at the time, but when I got older I looked back and it all made a lot of sense.

no truer words have been spoken.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

The following are some general tips to help you effectively discipline your kids:

Be consistent in your methods of discipline and how you punish your child. This applies to all caregivers. Your child should learn to understand that there are predictable consequences for his actions.

Think ahead. Be prepared for what you are going to do and say to help your child understand the consequences of his actions. Don't just wing it, or do or say the first thing that pops into your head. You are more likely to react negatively if you haven't thought out your plan for discipline beforehand.
Set up a daily routine for your younger children and try and stick to it each day. This should include mealtimes, snacks, bath and bedtime.

Provide a safe environment that encourages exploration, but protects your child. For example, you can prevent your toddler from getting in trouble for opening drawers and cabinets if you have safety locks preventing them from opening.

Set limits that are appropriate for your child's age and developmental level. Remember that you are in charge and that you will have to say ‘no' to your child sometimes. You should expect your child to cry when he does not get his way. This is a normal way of dealing with frustration in younger children and should be ignored. You should also ignore temper tantrums.

Do not offer choices in situations where you child has to cooperate with your rules. For example, instead of saying ‘do you want to take a bath?' you should instead say ‘it is time for your bath.'
Don't give in to your child when he is whining, crying or having a temper tantrum. If you do, it will only teach him that this kind of behavior is an appropriate way to get what he wants.
Learn to ignore minor, harmless or unimportant misbehaviors, such as fidgeting.

Make punishments and rewards immediate. Avoid waiting more than a few minutes to provide the consequences of a behavior.

Avoid repeating commands. You should give a command and if not followed, then you can repeat it once with a warning of what the consequences for noncompliance will be. If not followed, then apply the consequences. Do not continue to repeat the command.

Don't argue with your child about the punishment. Ignore any protests. You can talk about it later.
Plan ahead. If you always have difficulty in certain situations, such as shopping or having visitors, go over a plan of action beforehand, which includes what your expectations are and what the consequences of misbehavior will be.

Be flexible, especially with older children and adolescents. Listen and get your child's input on some rules and punishment.

Use ‘I' messages, instead of ‘you' messages. For example, say ‘I am upset that you didn't clean up your room,' instead of ‘You made me upset for not cleaning up.' ‘You' statements can seem more accusatory and can lead to arguing.

After disciplining your child, briefly explain the rule and what your expectations are when he misbehaves and explain what the proper behavior would have been.

TECHNIQUES

Use distraction to get your child's attention away from inappropriate behaviors.
Stop inappropriate behaviors with a firm ‘no' while looking your child in the eyes.

Physically move your child when he is misbehaving, especially if he didn't respond to your firm ‘no.'

Use extinction to remove attention from undesirable actions. As long as your child can't hurt himself, you can walk away and not give him attention or an audience for acting inappropriately, especially if he is having a temper tantrum. Giving too much attention to your child when he misbehaves can reinforce bad behaviors.

Use natural consequences (rewards) to let your child learn the results or consequences of his actions. For example, if he throws a toy out the window, then he can't play with it anymore.

Use logical consequences (rewards), for example, if he doesn't put away his bike, then you will do it, but he won't be able to ride it for the rest of the day. For older children, not filling the car with gas can have the consequence of not getting to use the car this week, etc.

Use time-out to remove positive reinforcement or attention when he misbehaves.
Withholding privileges is a very effective discipline technique, especially for older children. Find things that he likes or especially enjoys (playing video games, renting movies, going to the mall, talking on the phone), and then take it away as a consequence for misbehaving.

Added (22/Feb/10, 0:00 Am)
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idk about you but i'm of what is considered a pretty radical school of thought in which kids shouldn't be considered subordinates. i learn equally, sometimes more, from kids half my age than i do from my father.

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

lol i didn't say you were. here's my thing though, do you believe a kid should have that same right if the parent is in the wrong? that is what i mean by subordination. it may sound like an extremely nasty word, but it is something we face on a regular basis. we are subordinates to our bosses (we can be fired for "insubordination" which means not following the instructions of the boss), our parents, judges, etc. in our society. subordinate is the antonym of superior; if i am your superior, you are my subordinate. like i said, in this society my thought process is radical in that i do not believe children should be the absolute subordinates to their children. sure, in certain circumstances (ie: "don't drink that Timmy", "don't touch the pot Johnny, it's hot", "don't run out in the street" or actually using physical force to stop a kid from running into the street, etc.) minor forms of subordination are necessary, and a child must learn things somehow (though i would contest teaching a child from the relationship of superior/subordinate is not the correct way to go about it in almost every situation), but in most cases, subordination is completely unnecessary and wrong. adults should not be on any kind of pedestal. we talk to kids as though they are mentally impaired. we turn into a completely different person when talking to kids. we see a cute 5 year old and have an impulse to baby talk to them. do you expect them to learn that way? why would they? the longer we treat them like they are stupid the longer they will be stupid. if a kid wants to be involved in an important decision and thinks he or she has something valid to say, who cares what age they are? why shouldn't we let them in on the decision? little Timmy thinks what daddy did was wrong by spanking him. does he not have a right to express this opinion and be taken seriously? the least someone can do is discuss it with Timmy in a respectable fashion and try to make him think of a rebuttal which will encourage him to use critical thinking from an early age and also try to persuade him to understand from daddy's perspective why he deserved the spanking.

btw, if you are wondering how things would work if kids were not subordinates to adults, here's how:

^^^ go to YT with the last one and you can link to all of the other parts of the documentary (there's like 20+ parts)

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

no doubt, but that's up to a burden of proof. though i slip sometimes, i try to talk to everyone exactly the same until i get a firm understanding of this person and their intelligence so as not to belittle them, no matter their age, race, sex, etc. it often comes down, quite literally, to someone saying "hey, can you say that again for me, but this time in non-brainiac English, please?" but you will never get to that point by starting out speaking down to someone. and it's the same with children. if you treat a child like he's on a lower level (which is something i've grown up with and realized is terrible and part of the reason i, as an individual, and we, as a family, are dysfunctional, as i have a father who goes by the "i am your father and you will do what the fuck i say or else suffer the consequences!!!" mode of family; he is the alpha male and won't have it any other way, and often resorts to violence and abuse to keep that order), the kid will act as though he/she is on that lower level and will need to be disciplined in an abusive way. if a child knows that they are completely responsible for their own actions and from a young age is burdened with that responsibility 100%, while minimal outside control in the form of protection from physical danger is taken into account for a short time and slowed weened away, the child will be able to develop into a fully functional adult, able to take on the responsibility of society as soon as they are naturally ready.

fuck me! i wrote a long ass response here and this piece of shit computer erased it!

ahhh!!!

anyways, basically, what i was saying is that of course subordination -- authority, domination -- will exist in some ways, and learning is achieved often by teachings of the experienced, but learning should be a completely natural process that is left up to voluntarism except when the education being received is in the line of preventing danger (ie: the child who is about to step in front of a bus, or when the child is going to do harm another child) or not allowing one's personal freedom to impede upon the personal freedom of another (ie: the child takes another child's toy forcibly), for when this happens it must be met with a burden of responsibility, for freedom at the expense of the freedom of another is not freedom at all. the schools i posted videos of above are glaring examples of these principles in effect and they have worked to an absolute advantage; 85% of children who go to such schools wind up going on to higher education. these schools, in turn, are good small scale examples of what an anarchist society would look like, for the essence of anarchism is the principle that authority is invalid until it meets a burden of proof to prove the necessity of it's existence. this means that yes, authority will exist no matter what, but this does not mean we should condone it regardless just because we know this. there are far too many forms of authority in society today that have no reason to exist. do they work? sure, in a sense. do they need to be in place for society to work? no. an official government body, business hierarchies, land ownership, etc., are all unnecessary forms of authority. same goes for the role of the parent over the child as absolute dictator and superior. the role of superior is one that should shift at times. occasionally the child could even be the superior to the parent. the point, however, is not to assign authoritative roles, for as the old adage of Lord Acton goes, "power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely".

my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

It seems most societies are "ageist."

But yeah, as far as the education, much of a child's learning should be based on the scientific method. The adult, or educator should ask the child questions and never tell them something is "wrong." Instead ask questions until the child reaches the answer them self. The "educator" (the person who happens to know more on a particular subject) and the learner should together be explorers through the universe of knowledge. Not, "NO that is WRONG, THIS is the answer." It should be a journey with all freedom on both sides. Asking questions are one of the great way to find neutrality. By asking questions, you put the power in the learners hands which gives them comfortable freedom. You slide in the information, you don't smack them in the face with it. You reveal problems and encourage the learner to discover solutions through communication of some sort. Mr. Rogers did a great job of educating children, btw.

It reminds me of something I find amusing, (starting at 4:55)