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Forum » Off-Topic » Creative Writing » Help Me Edit My New Poem (The Doomed Seed)
Help Me Edit My New Poem
Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:24 PM | Message # 16

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 Erik..let me tell u this....
That was pure perfection
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eboyd Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:26 PM | Message # 17

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 smile thank you my friend. i still feel i need to touch it up in certain parts though. i'm asking everyone i can to find out what parts now.
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"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

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Menace Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:26 PM | Message # 18

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 this could be good for a youtube like yo eric u can create yourself a segment like deepru is having like the cipher and u can create like a show for yourself and u can record these on your phone or something like u did whit that white man one and put it up and u can do like every time biggrin im jus givin ideas happy
eboyd Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:30 PM | Message # 19

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 true yes thanks!
my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:30 PM | Message # 20

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Quote (Menace)
this could be good for a youtube like yo eric u can create yourself a segment like deepru is having like the cipher and u can create like a show for yourself and u can record these on your phone or something like u did whit that white man one and put it up and u can do like every time im jus givin ideas

Menace Allah!!!!!!
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Menace Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:34 PM | Message # 21

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Quote (MethTheProphet)
Menace Allah!!!!!!

yeah thats me thinking by the way Meth u know why Jus Allah uses Allah in his name?? the dude is a 5 percenter in the 5 percenter religion Allah means Arm Leg Leg Arm Head = The Black Man is God

Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:37 PM | Message # 22

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 thats so.......not interesting
LMAO jk nah I aint kno that is that y Rakim uses it
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Menace Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:39 PM | Message # 23

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Quote (MethTheProphet)
thats so.......not interesting
LMAO jk nah I aint kno that is that y Rakim uses it

various islamic sects are currently growin i mean the nation of islam was a islamic cult too they taught the people that the black man is supreme and the white man is sub human well but now the NOI is more of mainstreem islamic religion

Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:42 PM | Message # 24

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 OOOOOOOHHH explains why Ras Kass made that song basically supporting that belief right?
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Menace Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:46 PM | Message # 25

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Quote (MethTheProphet)
OOOOOOOHHH explains why Ras Kass made that song basically supporting that belief right?

well from what i saw Rass Kass aint a black supremacist so i dont think he was backing up the NOI or the 5 percenters but for sure he a black nationalist so he was tryin to point the fact that the white man messed the world not us blacks or minorities as some say

Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 3:48 PM | Message # 26

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 ok that clears up ALOT of things I was wqondering about thx Menace
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eboyd Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 4:33 PM | Message # 27

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 So... Are there any grammatical errors or anything in my poem? I found a few things that need to change already and I changed them, but I need help changing the "...throns adorned their stems" line. It seems awkward but idk where. I'd like to keep the same idea behind the line and I need to keep the worde 'stems' at the end, but it needs an adjustment to fit the meter better. Help please!
my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

Lord_Meth Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 4:56 PM | Message # 28

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 Erik ur poem needs to be revised by a guy with 2 Ph.D and 5 master degrees in finding grammical errors in a spectacular poem
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Acekat00o Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 5:03 PM | Message # 29

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Quote (eboyd)
...throns adorned their stems

why not use thorns instead of throns ? it should ad more emotion ,meaning "the pain loves the simbol"
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eboyd Date: Saturday, 15/Nov/08, 5:10 PM | Message # 30

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 LMAO! Will do.
my new theme song



erikboyd60@hotmail.com

"True poetry can communicate before it is understood"

-T.S. Eliot

battle record:

7-0-0

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